you are hotter than the bottom of my laptop 

(Source: spicegirlsofficial, via poison-inmy-veins)

my mom won’t stop watching the dead files and i want to strangle her because she believes all of it. 

I’ve been having the weirdest dreams lately. I had a dream that Lindsey, Kaleigh, and I went to Mac Miller in this abandoned high school in the woods and when the show was over, there was snow on the ground, so I took Kaleigh back to my dad’s car so we could go home, but there were people in old scuba diving suits everywhere and this guy hijacked my car with Kaleigh and I still in it. He took us to this weird temple full of malnourished people and locked the doors behind us. The people told us that we were their only hope for escape and we had to climb over this 40 foot high white stone wall to get items we found etched on the backs of playing cards. So we finally escaped from said temple and the first thing we did was go to the mall. Kaleigh was normal but I was all fucked up in the head and I went into PacSun and started stealing belts and bracelets and a Harry Potter beach towel and then I ran out of the store and Kaleigh went to Victoria’s Secret to try on makeup (?), but when I was on my way to VS, the worker from PacSun came out and talked to me and was like “My dad says not to trust you” and I went and sat on a mint colored couch with him where he tried to explain that even though his dad doesn’t approve, he was in love with me. Then, I threw up a bunch of bullets, kissed the kid on the cheek, and left.

i want to fuck h. jon benjamin’s voice